I was a freshman in highschool when I felt a calling on my life to full time ministry. About a year prior I went to a concert and heard about an organization that combats human trafficking...I wanted to know more, and I wanted to go. So I did.
I went on a two week trip to Thailand that completely changed everything for me. Returning home, my relationships with classmates started shifting, my worship was deeper, my freedom greater, and I felt this ever present desire to go “back home”. I was never one of those kids who would get homesick, but I had this aching feeling that I was supposed to be in Thailand. And for the past five years, I’ve been questioning God on whether this aching was from Him.
When I say I’ve been questioning God, I mean praying, crying, arguing with God about whether missions was really what I was supposed to do. There were the obvious fears - leaving my husband, family and friends, not having a career, what other people would think… But for me, I kept telling God that I was unqualified.
I was like Moses asking God “Who am I?” (Exodus 3:11). “I don’t have any special giftings”, “Well, maybe I could go to college first”, “I’m so young”. The list was long, I had all the excuses. But just as God responded to Moses, I felt Him saying “I AM! I will be with you!”
Looking back I realize I wasted so much of my worship worrying. Rather than praising my God for His power and His ability to do amazing things through me, I would look at myself and my weakness. I spent so much time in the presence of God doubting and arguing with Him, when I could have been praising Him.
God spoke to my heart with 2 Corinthians 12:9 - "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." And like Paul I should be moved to “boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
God created us; therefore, He knows our weakness. If you feel insecure or unqualified, you’re probably right where God wants you. And rather than looking inward and feeling discouraged, praise God for His ability to do amazing things through us. In our weakness, He is the strength that comes from within. The key is boasting in Him, and one of the greatest ways to do that is through worship!
I don’t know what your day holds, but I encourage you to praise God in your weakness, whatever that looks like. Instead of doubting God, praise Him for all that He has done and all that He is.
It is a joy to say that Thailand is in my near future (our applications are in!!). I might not have all that it takes, but I’m praising God in the waiting, knowing He has and will continue to do great things.