BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion.

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and sides, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils

and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - Coke in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and  other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6)   The woman goes inside to gather and bring out the chips and dips and salsas.

(7)   The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another Coke while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8)  THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9)  The woman cuts and serves the meat after preparing the plates, salad, sides, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings it all to the table.

(10)  After everyone's done eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11)  Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12)  The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing women . . .

"When a business or an individual spends more than it makes, it goes bankrupt.

When government does it, it sends you the bill.

When government does it for 40 years, the bill comes in two ways: higher taxes and inflation.

Make no mistake about it, inflation is a tax and not by accident."

                                    Ronald Reagan

AHHH.. living within our means! When will we learn? Borrowing from the future is a bad idea! No matter how far into the future you want to borrow from. Our recent opportunity to vote asked us to take it from 30+ years into the future.

Whenever you read a ballot, remember the word "bond" is synonomous with the word "bad."

...and vote NO!

After being in youth ministry for 20+ years and having a longstanding "appreciation" for cats I have come to the realization they have several things strangely in common.

Maybe you are the parent of a teenager or maybe you are a teenager, either way, I'd like to take this moment to reveal these five similarities between the two.

#1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

#2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

#3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being. (And it is safe to say that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.)

#4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

#5. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers act as if they did.

There is a ghost town in southern Namibia. (along the western coast of southern Africa)

In 1908, Africa was plunged into diamond fever and people rushed into the Namib Desert hoping to make a fast and easy fortune. Within two years, a town, complete with a casino, school, hospital and exclusive residential buildings, was established in the barren sandy desert.

As the principle of supply and demand imposed itself; the market was flooded with diamonds, and the precious stones were no longer scarce but abundantly plentiful, causing the mining for diamonds to cease.  People abandoned the fever which brought them and the sandy dunes began to reclaim what was always theirs.

Soon the metal screens collapsed and the pretty gardens and tidy streets were buried under the sand. Doors and windows creaked on their hinges, cracked window panes stared sightlessly across the desert.

How often do we lose everything (starting with our mind) in our pursuit of earthly riches? How often does our pursuit of satisfaction lead us to lost causes and empty dreams?

This is not what God has planned for His people!

Jeremiah 17:8

They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

I am waiting for Him!

This week has been filled with celebration and anticipation.

Last Sunday I celebrated as Jesus rode into Jerusalem triumphant. Everybody knew something big was happening and something even bigger was about to happen! I’m not so sure everybody was prepared for the same outcome.

Yesterday was “good” Friday and I personally had a pretty sober day as I though about Jesus being crucified and dying on the cross. It’s hard to keep a celebrative attitude while thinking about the whole Golgotha scene.

Today is a day filled with silence. (in spite of the busyness around my house) It’s the kind of silence that happens while we wait, wish and wonder. Today, like the disciples on that Saturday, I am wavering with the decision Jesus made; was it really the best? Could there have been a better way?

I mean I’m all about the sacrifice he made! I know I couldn’t accomplish what needed to be done! What happened to the disciples as they watched their dreams die; along with their friend?

Thus, silence while we wait… Sunday’s a coming!

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Jesus had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Jesus had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

Jesus had no army, yet kings feared Him.

Jesus won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

Jesus committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

Jesus was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

That's right, after all the states and territories have had their chance to make it to the back of our quarter over the last ten years; the United States Mint announced a new "economic stimulus penny" being released simultaneously with the $800 billion cash extension to those in desperate need to keep their corporate jets in the air.

While the front of the new penny remains the same with a bust of our 16th President, Abraham Lincoln, the back will no longer have a view of the memorial in Washington dedicated to the work of the Great Emancipator.

Instead they have a depiction where the housing market is headed and how we will all be living in the near future….

…either that or it commemorates Lincoln's birth and early childhood in Kentucky.

A young man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state he lived in.

After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned "Grandpa, are these plates clean?"

Grandpa replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal."

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes. So he asked again, "Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather huffed, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now stop bein' so picky!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby restaurant. As he was leaving, Grandpa's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass. He yelled back, "Grandpa, your dog won't let me out!" So Grandpa shouted...

"COLDWATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized holidays.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged down his gavel declaring,"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood up, objecting to the Ruling. "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such recognized holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."

The judge said, "April 1st is a holiday for atheists... Psalm14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God; then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his special holiday.

Court is adjourned.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.

Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice.

Some of our notices have not been noticed.

This is very noticeable.

It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticed.

This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the notices, because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. 

What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.

To understand others is to have knowledge.

To understand yourself is to be wise.